Welcome to the helpdesk.  Welcome to hell,

Please bear with me, sir, while I put you on hold,

We sigh as we answer the telephone’s knell

By wallboard statistics our lives are controlled,

I’ll just find that out.  Are you OK to hold?

And the office is always too hot or too cold

But the windows don’t open to let out the smell

Too little deoderant and far too much gel.

This is the helpdesk.  This then is hell,

There are seven calls waiting and emails as well

And silence is lazy, but protest too bold

So we shut the hell up and we do as we’re told.

So the share price goes up with each policy sold

And the shareholders see their portfolios swell.

Thanks for your patience.  Our lives are on hold

Thanks for your call, sir, and welcome to hell.