I’d like to say the words were torn from me, a spontaneous, involuntary response to the sea and the crowds and the glorious blazing sun. But the truth was, I’d been planning this moment ever since I’d first heard boats and the Whitby goth weekend mentioned in the same sentence.

“Go on,” said Hazel behind me, clutching the back of my lifebelt with one hand and anchoring herself to the railing with the other, as the Ocean Spirit turned in a majestic circle and the cameras flashed on the quay.

I braced myself and leant over the bow of the boat. Flinging my arms wide, at the top of my voice and from the bottom of my heart, I screamed:

I’m the king of the world!”

Dramatis Personae

Jezebel De Ville – your humble narrator

Marcus – dread lord and tyrant of the Marcus Protectorate

Heidi – traffic stopping consort of the above

Liam – teenage offspring of Heidi

Hazel – also teenaged and likewise a child of Heidi

Keith – skipper of the Ocean Spirit, and respected progenitor of Marcus

Beverley – first mate of the Ocean Spirit and of Keith, and mum to Marcus
With a full cast of Goths, Gothwatchers, DJs, dancing girls, dogs, honest merchants, fishermen, sailors and a very special appearance by the alleged Jimi Hendrix.
Yes, I did indeed spend the weekend crewing a pirate ship. Well, when I say “pirate ship”, I mean “motor cruiser”, and when I say “crewing” I mean “keeping out of the way and trying not to fall off”.

Intrigued? Part 1 of 3 will be up shortly. Watch this space!